the lights of the kitchen are too bright for my eyes. white tables, white cupboards, white reflective floor, some red outlining the entrance. the only reason i’m here is the AC — it’s on and it feels cool, whilst the bedroom is quite hot even though it’s raining now. there is a group of people in the kitchen. they’re talking. my roommate is eating the pancakes she just made, and the nice chinese girl is washing her dishes. i can hear a british accent. one of the individuals from the group must certainly be from the UK. reminded me of my times in Birmingham.
here i am. i live on the 5th floor of this dorm, somewhere in Shinjuku. i thought it would be nice to write down my thoughts today. after all, it’s been a week since i am in Tokyo. a long damn week. some days there is nothing to do. some days i feel happy when i wake up and i wanna do things. some days i wake up and i feel like i just wanna stay in bed all day, which i don’t because it’s way too hot for that. today i got my sim card. from now on i can explore on my own, i guess. at least i’ll not get lost anymore. i want to go to so many places but i feel quite scared. not knowing the language is so hard. way harder than i imagined (why am i not learning the basics?). and sometimes i feel so isolated. i am so far from home. i don’t wanna lose my motivation. i know that some day in the future i’ll read this, feeling better, more like myself. but i know i gotta pave the way for such thing to happen.
i remember when i first started my first year of uni — i was so eager to meet new people. but here everything feels so different. it’s not shyness. i don’t wanna even try. why am i judging them so much? people keep disappointing me because i expect too much from them. so stop doing that (and keep an open mind, please).
tomorrow will be different. tomorrow will be orientation day of my school, the school of political science and economics. it’ll be good, i’ll have something to do. hopefully, i’ll get to choose the modules i wanna do (mostly related to east asian politics). i also hope i’ll meet some of my coursemates; people who are genuinely interested in the vast subject of politics. i need that interchange of ideas and opinions that enlightens one’s mind. honestly, i can’t wait to learn new things and study again. this summer i read quite a lot, and the internship i did at the town hall of my city opened my eyes to a lot of things. i welcome everything that might contribute to the development of critical thinking. being here will, without a doubt, contribute to my personal and academic growth. it’ll take some time but soon i’ll feel comfortable; i know it. and be grateful for having this opportunity.
be grateful for everything, always.